blame canada

Ah, back home from my adventure with the in-laws in Canada. It was me, Coy, his mom Lori, rich Aunt Bonnie and certifiably crazy former homeless crackhead Aunt Jessie. We had a blast! We did the touristy thing, got drunk in a redneck biker bar in the middle of nowhere Canada and almost got arrested with my in-laws at customs. Yes, I said almost arrested with my in-laws.
So we are sitting at the border crossing blasting some Ice Cube (Aunt Bonnie has the jungle fever and knows Oakland like the back of her hand) while joking about being terrorists, drug runners and having a dead hooker in the trunk when all of a sudden it was our turn to go over the border.

BORDER OFFICER: How’s it going today sir? Enjoy your visit to Canada?
COY (driving Aunt Bonnies car): Fine, Thank You. We enjoyed our visit to Canada.
B.O.: Great, can I see your ID’s please?
COY: Here you are sir.

The border officer looks at all of us, runs our passports and then ran the plates on the car.

B.O.: *through bullhorn* PASSANGERS PLACE YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEADS. DRIVER, PLEASE EXIT THE VEHICLE NOW! WALK BACKWARDS, STOP, KNEEL DOWN, *CLINK OF THE HANDCUFFS*

The cop had his gun in the back of Coys head and is doing a full pat down.

WHAT THE FUCK ?!?!?!?!?

So now all of us are sitting handcuffed in a holding cell looking at each other like WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO ??? Finally after about an hour Officer Rodriguez of US customs comes in and states that the car was reported as stolen. Aunt Bonnie all of a sudden goes “OOOOOOOH OOPS” Apparently she forgot that she had reported her front license plate stolen 2 months ago and forgot to put on the new plates. The cops came over, unhandcuffed us and gave us a warning about driving with stolen plates. The whole thing was rather amusing afterwards so we all laughed it off over a couple of drinks and a nice dinner in Seattle.

P.S. We are now on the road listening to Aunt Jessie talk to herself and sing Chaka Khan. Love the in-laws dearly but…… I need alone time with my bed and my boy right now.


P.P.S. Oh, goddessmikhail we have a gift for you and your boy from Canada.